So, Mark and I got into an argument the other night (Hi, Honey!). He looked over, noticed I was staring out into space, and asked, "Hey, what's wrong?" It may have been one of those dreadful oh-crap-I-wish-I-hadn't-asked-that-question questions. You know, like when you hear yourself ask your Aunt Bertha how she's doing and before you can retract what was said, she's describing medical procedures and personal hygiene.
Anyway, before he could finish the question, I breathed a sigh of relief and told him exactly what was wrong. I railed for 5 minutes about life being unfair at the moment - pretty much a short-lived temper tantrum. As soon as I inhaled to say more, Mark said, "You don't really feel that way. Everything's okay. You just need to....." [Editorial pause: Is anyone sensing the avalanche that was about to fall?] Mark proceeded to tell me all the things I needed to do to cheer up and see the bright side of things. He put on his Mr. Fix-It hat, got out his tool belt and went right to work repairing my mess. He had somehow come to the erroneous conclusion that we were involved in a 2-way conversation and did not realize that I was rather content with my soliloquy (an utterance or discourse by a person who is talking to himself or herself and is oblivious to any hearers present).
I don't have to get into the details in order to convey to you what happened next. Simply, I didn't need to be fixed. I needed 5 minutes of freedom to say really stupid things that I didn't mean in order to experience some cathartic relief. I just needed to complain and have someone tell me they understood.
Why do our guys feel compelled to fix us and why do we complain if we don't need fixed? In the imortal words of Aristotle, "We are what we repeatedly do." We process life through conversation. Our guys fix things.
Because humans are innately curious, you may be wandering if Mark was kissing the wall that night. No, he wasn't (mainly due to the Law of Arguments that we've mastered over the years. I'll share more about that at a later date if you're interested; actually, I'll share it even if you're not interested). But we did agree on a couple of things. In the future, I'll clue him in when I only need someone to hear me and validate that I'm not nuts. He'll keep the tool belt in check until I invite the repair. Sounds like a good compromise. Kiss. Make up.
1 comment:
Oh, come on! When do you think you would ever invite the repair?
Part of our job is to not let you beat yourself up. We put on the tool belt not to fix you but to keep you from breaking what we already know is really quite good. Yes, we do fix things. However, you are not to be breaking things. We are more than capable of breaking anything we happen to be working on at the time. i.e. Mark's statement "You don't really feel that way." You see he has just broken something he was trying to fix before you broke it.
That is our job. We fix it because we usually are the ones that broke it in the first place.
Post a Comment