I should be sleeping

Yes, I should be sleeping. It's not that I can't sleep but that I don't want to go to sleep. I'm having some difficulty w/ nightmares which apparently is expected when they open up your noggin. Tonight's weren't as bad as some but just startled me enough that I'd rather stay distracted, so thanks for appeasing me.

Today was a BIG day. My sister-in-law Melissa took me to Kroger! Oh, but you should have seen me - no make up and my hair was, well, a complete disgrace. I'm not sure that I was ready to leave the house but there was some stubborn part of me that had to prove that I could do it - not to prove to anyone else, just to yours truly. I ran into a friend from high school in the produce aisle and the look on his face was priceless. Let's just say it was one of those moments when you know that the other person is quickly thinking of a reason to look in a different direction. The liberating thing was that I didn't even care - I was just happy that I made it all the way there. Plus, I was wearing Victoria Secret perfume and there's some psycho ingredient in it that makes you think you're a super model even when you look like hell. :) I've decided that pretty toes and Victoria Secret have been God's gift to my sanity at the moment. Hey, it's all in the small stuff, right?

I probably won't get out again for a few days - just needed to prove to myself that I'm still a tough girl. :) If you haven't yet noticed, I'm more than a little stubborn.

My goal tomorrow is a small one. I want to have my hair look half-way presentable. That and Victoria's Secret and pretty toes. Baby steps.

So, I'll ask the question that's definitely on my mind. I'm not sure if it's crossed yours yet.... Why has God brought me here? I'm asking that in a very matter-of-fact way, not an oh-why-me way. I really want to know and I understand that He'll tell me when He's ready. At first, I thought it was because I needed to be less stubborn or learn to give Him control, but it's more than that. God created me to be thick-headed and I don't think it's His intent to break that part of me. But there's a reason why there have been 150 people in the world with this thing and I'm one of them and truly, I don' think it all lies in me because this isn't just happening to me but to all the people who care about me. There's a reason. We'll find out. When I do, I promise to share it with you.

Until next time, I'm going to do one of my new no-nightmares tricks. There's a cute Snoopy sticker on the girls' play room window. It's a great picture - one w/ the wind blowing his stocking cap back as he skates with a huge grin plastered across his face. I like to look at it before I fall asleep because there's just not much out there that makes you feel as good as that smile.