Two year anniversary

It's hard to believe that it was nearly 2 years ago that we left for Johns Hopkins. It's difficult to believe because it frequently feels like a lifetime ago and frequently feels like yesterday.

It feels like a lifetime ago because we have come so far. God has blessed me with a restored life filled with health. I do wish there were a way to articulate the depth of gratitude I have for that gift.

It feels like yesterday because my body, or more appropriately, my noggin has boundaries that it didn't once have, boundaries of stamina that are frustrating but are nothing compared to where I could be or where I was.

Today, I'm thankful for our scientists....scientists who spend their lives searching for medical answers and who will not stop until they find them.

One year anniversary for the pursuit of a cure

One year ago, right at this moment, Mark and I were seated on a Southwest Airline flight to Baltimore. He was snoozing peacefully at my side, while I stared out the window, full of anxiety, asking God if we were doing the right thing and pleading that He would give us answers. I know that at that moment, I wasn't asking for a miracle. I was pleading that I would just be diagnosed so that I would know that there was a physical reason for what I had experienced.

So, we were on a plane to Baltimore with the purpose of an all-day appointment at Johns Hopkins Hospital first thing Monday morning. Mark had insisted that we go a day early so that he could get my mind off of the stress, and since he knows me better than I do, I went along with it. We had a wonderful weekend and enjoyed Baltimore, despite the cold. Then Monday came. And the miracle began. Every test, every poke, every prod....they all said the same thing. I had Superior Canal Dehiscence (SCD), a condition that had only been diagnosed in 150 people in the world since it was first discovered in 1998 by Dr. Lloyd Minor, the same Dr. Minor who stood before me on December 1, 2008, telling me that I suffered from a lack of bone in my skull around the balance and hearing organs. He told me that there was a treatment for the illness, but the treatment required a dangerous intracranial surgery.

Illness. Odd that I used that word this morning. I went an entire year prohibiting the use of the words "illness" or "sick" when describing SCD. During the few episodes that I was truly angry with Mark or with this stupid condition, it was usually because he or someone else had insinuated that I was sick or had unintentionally made me feel like an invalid. I had determined that I was not sick, that I simply had a lack of bone in my skull, something that could be fixed with a little skull-spackle.

Oh what a year can teach us and how it can change our lives. The winter came and went, and with it came healing. Following a brutal surgery, the symptoms vanished. My body recovered quickly, leaving me with only a few lingering side effects. I went back to work a few months early (one month and a day post-op). When I returned to work, I couldn't read very well. I only told one friend (thanks, Angie) because I needed there to be someone I could talk to through the frustration. Praise God, I slowly regained my ability to read and understand. I was left with only pain at the incision site, headaches/migraines, and fatigue.

Recovery from these symptoms was slow. I had a constant mild migraine for many months, which finally ended about a month ago. The pain at the incision site only comes when I am very tired or during severe temperature fluctuations. The fatigue is nearly gone. God is good.

I think the message I'd like you to remember today is that God can restore you. I truly can't remember last Thanksgiving. Mark tells me that we only stayed at family gatherings for short periods of time, and that I spent a lot of the day in our bedroom, where I'm sure that more than one tear was shed. A year later, we had an AMAZING Thanksgiving. We spent the day with family and friends and I enjoyed every second of it. He has restored my life over the past year, even in bigger ways than in healing my body. He has taught me to rely on His strength, to always know that there is a purpose, and to have reassurance that the worst of circumstances will be used for good. No matter what is going on in your life, remember that. Know that he restores. I am thankful for that today.

I have a puppy!

As I sat down to think about a topic for this blog, my new puppy, Benny, was showering me with kisses.  (I know, some of you think that is disgusting.  Your loss.)  Several ideas were going through my head, when Mark walked by and said, "Benny makes me smile."  There it was.

Mark didn't want a puppy.  He really didn't want a puppy.  I asked perhaps 100 times over a period of a year and every time the answer was some form of, "We don't need a dog."  Unfortunately, we agreed early in our marriage that pets were not surprises and required complete agreement.  I was stuck.  My only option was to continue asking.  

Most of you who know me well know that I can be persistent and persuasive when something's really important to me.  And Mark loves me a lot.  A couple of weeks ago, the combination of those two traits led to us looking at puppies.  Looking quickly turned into falling in love with Benny, a mix between a Shitzu and a Maltese.  He's adorable!!!!!  And even better, he looks like the little dog I had as a girl (Rocky).  

Mark was right.  We didn't need a dog.  He makes messes on the floor.  He chews up stuff that gets left laying around.  He is going through that puppy biting stage.  We have to know where he is every minute.  But, we're all madly in love with him and he's worth every minute of it.  

I guess that Benny proves that the best logic and reason in the world may prove to be true, but it isn't always what is best.  

The important stuff

Where have the past two months gone?

Let's see, the first five weeks were taken up by a completely out-of-control construction project (led by my Mom) to build the girls' treehouse.  I learned a lot during that project.  First and foremost, it reiterated something we already knew.  I'm not a carpenter.

We then went on an 8-night vacation to Disney.  What is more magical than experiencing Disney through the eyes of children?  We literally spent 9 days acting like kids.  Sure, there were occasional heat-induced temper tantrums, but Mark and the girls forgave me for them.  lol.  Every day was unique and very special.  

I then came back to work to timelines that left me asking a mentor for advice on the fastest, most effective manner of getting fired.  Her response was, "Stacey, you married for love, you can't afford to get fired.  While your husband is preparing our leaders of tomorrow, you're here earning money."  Hmmm....  Good thing I like her so much.

If you've read any of my previous blogs, then you know that I have a tendency to forget the lessons that God teaches me on a regular basis.  (He must think I'm so s....l....o....w.)  Anyway, I was driving to work this morning and asking God to remind me that life is all about the important stuff - Him, Mark, the girls, friends, joy.  I also asked him to provide reminders to me throughout the day (because we both knew that I'd forget it the second a shiny object distracted me - like a great pair of heels or a friend's new earrings).  So, what do you know, He provided.  Several friends sent messages throughout the day to check in and see how things were going (knowing that our final deadlines are approaching).  Mark sent a note and just seeing his name in my in-box made me smile.  Then, at the end of the day, as I was getting ready to walk into the parking structure, I saw them....

An older couple walked down the sidewalk pushing a shopping cart.  She pushed as he linked his arm into hers.  As the doors to the garage were closing, the woman peeked in and said, "Have a beautiful day."  They were homeless.  Obviously penniless.  And they strolled in front of a huge corporation with their shopping cart, on a hot and muggy day, with grumpy and busy people passing them by..... and they took the time to pause just long enough to remind me that life is about the important stuff.  It is a beautiful day.

When it rains, out come the ducks!

I've waited weeks for today!  It was kind of like the anticipation you had when you were a kid and made those rings that linked together to show how many days were left before Christmas.  Remember the all-consuming count-down???  Today was a day that warranted such a count-down.  It was Morgan's class field-trip to the zoo and I was one of the fortunate chaperones.  

As I was sharing this anticipation with a friend yesterday, she broke the news.  It was going to rain.  Possibly storm.  Possibly a total wash-out.  Really?  But yesterday was such a beautiful day and this was such a perfect moment, it couldn't possibly rain.  So, I dismissed the warning.

Then, on the way home in the car, there it was again.  Weather forecasts that would intimidate Noah's crew.  But they had to be wrong.  God wouldn't give us this perfect day together and then send through a monsoon, would He?  Nah!

So, today comes.  We greet the day to see a sky full of clouds.  As Morgan and I are having breakfast and I'm feeling very much like having a pity party, she looks over at me and says, "No stinkin' rain is going to rain on our parade."  There you have it!  No it won't.  We made a deal - no matter how bad the weather was, we were going to have an amazing day because we were spending it together.

After an extremely animated bus trip from Martinsville to Indy (God bless bus drivers!!!), we arrived at the Zoo!  The kids clapped.  They were so excited that they didn't even realize what we intelligent parents knew - the sky was about to let loose.  As I watched them clapping, I remembered my pledge to Morgan and knew that I could choose to make this an amazing day.  We exited the bus.  I grabbed my crew and let them in on the plan for the day: NO RAIN WOULD RAIN ON OUR PARADE.  Since the rain hadn't yet hit, we raced through the zoo and saw all of the outdoor animals!  We posed like flamingos, danced like monkeys, strutted like giraffes, and pecked like birds.  We had an amazing time.  And guess what?  (If you are thinking that maybe there was a really cool miracle and it didn't rain over the Zoo, you're mistaken.)  It poured!!!  But not before we got through the entire zoo to see all of the outdoor the animals!  (I was really determined.)  

Just as we finished the last of the outdoor spots, the sky opened up and rain fell like it was being unloaded out of buckets, barrels, and dump trucks!  We decided that we'd pretend to be a family of ducks.  Ducks seem to have a great time in the rain.  So did we. We splashed, danced, skipped, and trotted throughout the rest of the day.  We were ducks and we were going to enjoy it. When one of the kids complained that his feet were wet, the rest of them chimed in and started to balk.  So, we all just took off our socks.  Ducks don't wear socks, why should we?  Problem solved.  :)

After a few hours of being pelted, I asked the kids to talk about their favorite part of the day.  I expected to hear about the dolphins, snakes, or lions.  But the first response was "THE RAIN!!!"  What do you know?  What could have been the one factor to ruin the day became the greatest source of joy.  

So, the next time something's about to rain on your parade, be like a duck and try to enjoy the storm!

The art of fighting fair

Last night, I attended my niece's wedding shower.  During the shower, Laura opened a lot of gifts - one of which was a rolling pin.  I heard someone say, "that's for your first fight."  That triggered my thoughts about getting married to Mark, when his Dad was giving us some advice that we continue to use after nearly 14 years of marriage.  The art of fighting fair....

Let's face it, marriage is tough.  I consider myself one of the blessed ones - I'm married to a man who I love and respect, someone who makes me laugh and who appreciates me for me and doesn't want me to change.  He is a good father, husband, and friend.  He's also hot - which is an added bonus (tee hee).  Anyway, even with all of that, marriage is one of the toughest jobs (perhaps equalled only with parenting) I've ever had and honestly, there have been a few days in which both of us considered whether or not it was all worth it.  It takes a lot of work.  And there are times, no matter how much I love him, that he is an absolute bonehead and I feel like shoving him out of the nearest window.  One of those times is when we argue.  

Arguments are marriage minefields.  They're times in which you are most likely to say something you don't mean and times that you have the potential to do severe damage to your spouse and your marriage.  In order to minimize this as much as possible, here are some of our "rules"....

1. Don't go to bed mad.  This one has caused us some sleepless nights.  And there have been many times that we've gone to bed convinced that the other person is absolutely wrong.  But it's important not to lay down at night with resentment between you, because that sprouts a wall - or can cause the urge to stuff a pillow over his head until the snoring (or potential of it ever happening again) stops.  lol
   
2. Don't say something to deliberately hurt the other person.  This is a tough one.  You know each other better than anyone else and therefore have a greater power to injure.  Resist.  Count to 10 if you have to.  Even take a 15 minute break from the argument.  But hold your tongue because you'll never get those words back again and you can't erase them from his/her mind.  And believe me, those things stick.  And they hurt.
   
3. Compromise.  We learned this early in our marriage.  I'll admit it - I squeeze the toothpaste from the middle of the tube.  It drives Mark CRAZY.  For a long time, we argued about this - well, it was probably because we were sleep deprived and irritated about something else, but we argued about the toothpaste.  Then one day, we came to a compromise.  We started using two tubes.  :)  
   
4. Fight about one thing at a time.  If you're mad because she recorded over your DVR'd version of the Colts Superbowl, argue about that.  Don't bring up the fact that she scratched your truck two weeks ago or that she squeezes the toothpaste from the middle.  Deal with the Superbowl first (and give her hell about it because that's just wrong!!!).
   
5. Remember that you love each other.  Even when you're so angry that you want to wipe the other person off the face of the earth, remind yourself that you love him/her.  There's a reason why you fell in love (hopefully more than one reason).  Remind yourself that even if you can't remember why you were stupid enough to love this butthead, you'll remember a reason tomorrow.  Take a breath.  
   
6. Figure out what's really got you so ticked off.  Are you really angry because he can't fold towels (Mark CANNOT fold towels!!!!)?  Or is it something bigger.  Be honest with him and yourself.  Then go back to number 4 and only fight about one thing at a time.
   
7. Don't wait until you're ready to explode.  Tell him when he's first done something wrong. If it hurts your feelings when he doesn't give you a card for Mothers' Day, tell him. Don't wait for him to blow off Mother's Day, your anniversary, and 6 birthdays before you say something.  Fix it when it's easy to fix.
   
8. Listen.  As much as you want to be heard, LISTEN.  Take a breath again.  Listen to what she has to say.  If she's not saying anything, then take another breath and ask her to say something.  There's a lot being said in the middle of silence.  If you want to be heard, then you have to hear.  It's back to compromising.
9. Keep God at the center.  I've found that it's hard for me to break the above rules when I invite God into the room.  It's kind of like when the boss walks in.  Everyone is on their best behavior, right?  Well, I guess I'm not but I'm a little weird.  Anyway, you get my point.  When I invite God into the arguments, it makes it harder for me to hurt Mark.  

Fights aren't about winning.  If someone wins a fight, then you've both lost.  Fights are about hearing and being heard.  Try it out.  Fighting fair's tough and takes some practice.  But afterwards when done properly, you're less likely to feel like you need a shower to wash off the embarrassment and more likely to be curled up with the one you love.

To Laura and Caleb: I pray that the two of you will have a beautiful marriage.  Take care of one another.   And Caleb, please cherish her.

Milestone

I hit a significant milestone today.  I did 100 push-ups!!!!!  Honestly, 100.  Like 1 more than 99.  And no one had to call an ambulance afterward.  As I sit to write this blog, I have to admit that I'm overwhelmed with happiness.  

Last year, I spent many morning getting up at 4:30 a.m. so that I could be at the Lilly gym by 6:00 for bootcamp.  I was determined to get into good shape.  Surprisingly, I actually liked it.  However, by late summer, the SCD symptoms started to accelerate and I struggled greatly - but hung on for a couple more months out of determination.  Sadly, that came to an end in the Fall, when the exertion caused me to start to pass out one day.  That was the last time I exercised in 2008.

In February of this year, a few weeks after surgery, I started trying to exercise again but could only do about 2 minutes at a time.  Most attempts ended in great frustration and sometimes in tears because I feared that I simply would never be strong again.  

Then in early March, I was finally able to start a workout program (P90).  It's kind of like an in-home bootcamp, which was perfect because I could go at my own pace.  In the beginning, I would collapse after only 10 push-ups.  And embarrassingly, I lifted Campbell soup cans for weights because anything else was too heavy.   But over time, my strength has returned and tonight I hit the big milestone of 100 push-ups!  Can you believe it?????

Today, I'm thankful for my strength and health.  The Easter season is about resurrection and renewal and is a perfect reflection of the many gifts that have been given to me - to us - this year.  What a miracle.

Forgiven

There seems to be a theme that keeps coming up in my life and the life of my girlfriends, so I thought I'd blog about it.  Forgiveness.

So, I didn't really grow up with the Waltons or the Cleavers.  You could say that the Hallams were more like the Simpsons.  We got a lot of things wrong.  But one thing that we got right was forgiveness.  It was a trait that my parents instilled in us at a very young age.  Perhaps it's because we made so many mistakes.  I'm not sure.  But I somehow grew up without the ability to hold a grudge.  I do get angry - very angry at times - but once someone has asked for forgiveness, it's nearly impossible for me to say no.  It's definitely come in handy in my marriage, in friendships, and with my family.  I guess you could say that I've just always understood that most mistakes - even big ones - are done without malice and that the people making the mistakes are as flawed as me.  And since God has found a way to erase all the crap I've pulled, I should give a few breaks now and then too, right?

Here's the thing.....holding a grudge doesn't really hurt anyone but you.  In most cases, the other person doesn't even know that you're daydreaming about the 101 ways you could wipe their existence off the planet.  However, that grudge eats away at who you are, making it difficult to trust the people who love you most.

There really aren't many areas of my life that I feel comfortable giving out strong advice.  Sure, I play around with it in this blog, but most of the tips I've used in my marriage and friendships have come from scripture, wise friends, and my own mistakes.  Very little comes from my wisdom.  Trust me on this one.  Let it go.  Give them and yourself a break.  You'll be amazed at how much lighter your load is.

Update

It's so hard to believe the surgery was only 11 weeks ago - hard to believe because it feels like a lifetime ago.   

I was frustrated a few nights ago because I found myself overly exhausted again, so I vented to Mark about wanting to be "normal" again.  He, like the wonderful husband and friend that he is, allowed me to decompress, then he asked if I felt better now than I did when I couldn't eat pretzels because they were too loud - than I did when my vision blurred when I walked - than I did when I had difficulty typing because the sound of the keyboard was excruciating - than I did when I couldn't listen to the girls laugh because it was painful.  Wow.  Yes, I do feel better.  I feel much better.  I have nothing to whine or complain about.  My life has been given back to me - our lives have been given back to us.  

The day after this conversation, I went to Dr. Ostrowski for my follow-up appointment.  He said that he continues to be amazed at the speed at which my body is recovering.  To me, it's not an amazing body, it's amazing Grace. He asked if I'd had any difficulty.  I shared w/ him that the only scare was the previous day, when I was trying to blow up a very stubborn balloon, and almost landed on the floor due to dizziness.  He said I'd probably aggravated something but hadn't injured myself, then said that my only restriction going forward was stubborn balloon blowing.  :)  It is pretty astonishing.  My hearing's back to normal.  There is no numbness at the incision.  All "bobble head" vision is gone.  The only side effects that bother me are fatigue, migraines and headaches, and pain where the chewing muscle was cut and is trying to regenerate.  Oh, and the headache meds cause my face to flush, which can be a little embarrassing.  But it's all very minor, and as Mark pointed out, a completely different life than I was living only 3 months ago.  That's something for which I am very thankful.  There are so many reasons to be thankful.

Thank Heaven for Brothers

I woke up Saturday morning thankful for my brothers.  I promptly wrote a blog about them, only to have it eaten by a system error.  So here I am, recreating a moment that left me laughing at memories.

I have two brothers, Keith and Tony.  Keith is 10 years older than me and Tony is 18 months older.  Being the youngest, I still like to believe that I'm the most mature of the bunch.  Those of you who know me know that is a frightening thought.  Those of you who know Tony and Keith know it to be accurate.  And, hey, as I've pointed out before, this is my blog so I can make it true if I want.  

Keith is my fearless brother with the million dollar smile who looks at least 10 years younger than he actually is.  He often does things that some people believe to be brave but I believe to be boneheaded.  For example, he recently WRESTLED AN ALLIGATOR near his home in Florida because he thought it would be funny. He's the eternal practical jokester and once introduced my brother Tony to all of his friends, only to tell them in private that Tony was struggling with his sexuality so would appreciate it if everyone would be sensitive with him.  Tony didn't find out until months later when Keith's friends were surprised to learn he was married to a woman.  Wow.

Tony's the coolest person on the planet and dresses even better than me (a fact which really annoys me).  His laugh is infectious - you can't help but feel better when you hear it.  He's also a perfectionist - possibly even more so than me, if that's possible.  Tony doesn't like cats - hates them - but for some strange reason, they LOVE him.  He has the same affect on babies - he holds them like they could electrocute him but they just can't get enough of him.  He is a quality control engineering manager at Toyota and also owns two businesses - I think he's restless.  

So, aside from practical jokes, what did I learn from my brothers?  I think I learned to be tough:

• I gained tolerance for high temperatures during my rides in the clothing dryer.
• I learned endurance through spending long hours inside a toy box while Tony sat atop playing Atari.
• I developed a strong stomach the summer Tony's football buddies decided it would be funny to leave their sweat-laden uniforms and pads in my Prelude for three days in the 90 degree heat, infusing it with boy-smell for the next year.
  
• I learned how to operate under pressure during our many fire extinguisher fights during which we would leave welts that lasted for days.
• I learned to throw and take a punch in a variety of forums.
• I gained an ability to laugh in the face of fear during the many nights Tony jumped out at me from the woods wearing a mask.
• I learned self preservation during the rides on the school bus, when Tony and his friends would ask if they could go camping in Hallam's Holler during the weekend (the name they so kindly gave the dimple in my chin).
• I learned that getting even is for cowards - for when you get even, you leave your opponent room to retaliate.  
• I learned to not take myself (or others) too seriously.

Before you feel sorry for this innocent little sister, be assured that I instigated at least 95% of what I received and enjoyed it in the process.   And amazingly, we all love each other deeply.  They're two of my closest friends who can make me laugh like no one else.   I'm thankful for those boneheads.

Let us not fool ourselves

Do you ever find yourself in the middle of the rat-race, saying, "I'm doing it for my kids?"  I'm doing it to provide for their educations, to provide a home, to make sure they have great opportunities?  I found myself going there this week and it's a place I tell myself not to go.  

I like what I do.  Most of the time, I even love what I do.  But there are days that I, like all of you, just downright hate it.  I get caught up in the motions of work and can't remember why I'm doing it and start feeling like that poor gerbil trapped on a wheel.  Yesterday, I was even talking with a friend about it and said that if it weren't for my kids' educations ahead, I just might hang it all up and open that snack bar in the Caribbean.  [Actually, I'd probably start up some kind of homeless mission but you get the point - I'd be flat broke.]  He asked me if I thought my kids would be less happy that way and pointed out the fact that he had very little money as a child but never noticed.  Exactly.  Because our kids, rightfully, care more about being happy and loved than about going on extravagant vacations or spreading out across 4000 square feet of real estate; and they certainly don't spend 18 years of their lives worrying about how to fund the 4 to 8 they'll spend in college.  

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we need to be very careful to not put our kids in the middle of this.  They simply want and deserve happy parents.  Sure, we're all going to have a bad day once in a while, but if you find yourself coming home unable to give yourself to your family because you've slaved for them all day long, you need to ask yourself if it's really worth the price you're all paying for admission.   As Isaiah 29:11-13 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Your kids want the kind of prosperity that comes in this verse, not the kind provided by a job.  Are you prospering?

Update

Okay, so I've had a few friends notice that I've avoided the topic of my overall health the past couple of weeks.  Before I start complaining, I'll preface it by saying that I feel so much better than I ever dreamed I would feel 2 months out of surgery.  Keep in mind that my friend who had this surgery was still taking 2 to 3 hour naps every day at this point and a lot of people aren't even back at work full time until 3 to 4 months out.  There, disclaimer said!

I'm tired.  Daylight savings isn't helping, but I was tired even before the time change. This is getting better with time.

My head hurts.  It's a superficial pain - just under the surface of the skull.  It's odd because it even hurts in places where I didn't have the surgery.  It's not severe and it only comes when I'm very tired.

I'm more irritable than usual.  It usually takes a LOT to get me rattled - a LOT - as in, I have super human freakish abilities to not get rattled.  I sometimes get rattled now when I'm tired.  Not very often and it's not severe, but I notice that things bother me that normally would not.  Little things - like people not doing what they're supposed to do when they're supposed to do it.  Funny - a friend of mine said that maybe I'm more normal.  But again, this is getting better and like w/ the pain, it's really only present when I'm very tired, like today.

But I'm also blessed.  I'm playing with my girls again.  I spent last weekend at Holiday World running through an indoor water park with screaming kids and had a great time.  I'm working on a project that I  couldn't have done 3 months ago - it's a project I certainly wouldn't have entrusted to a fainting goat!  And I'm loving every minute of it, even when I'm tired.  God has surrounded me with beautiful people who I care about and who care about me, so they forgive me when I'm irritable, tired, and a pain.  :)  And yes, to answer your questions for the 16,000th time, I am overdoing it some. (Even though it doesn't seem like it, I do appreciate the concern and care.)  But come on, I CAN overdo it now.  The year before the surgery is a series of blurs so I'm sure that some of me is making up for lost time.  I promise to watch out for warning signs and not cause harm to myself or those around me, but let's face it, I wouldn't be the me who you care about if I gave up easily, would I?????

Don't fill up your lives with right

OK, so I've tried to write this blog several times and had to resort to saving it as draft. In the end, I've come to conclude that it's much easier and funnier to dole out advice to our guys than it is to swallow it ourselves. So, here it goes, girls. This one's for us.

A very good friend of mine said something incredibly powerful a few months back. She said it at such a humble, heart-broken moment in her life that it made me think that more women needed to stop and listen to what she had to say.

She is an amazing woman. She's a great and loving Mom. A strong person. A talented employee. A kind and generous spirit. A woman of faith. Incredibly intelligent. I could write a book about how much I love her as a person and a friend. She did well in college, met a boy who she fell head over heels over (the feeling was mutual), and eventually married. They ultimately had kids. They did everything "right". Then one day they woke up and realized they had forgotten each other some time along the way. They had become such great parents and people that they no longer had room in their lives for each other.

So, what was this important advice that my friend shared? She said that she wanted more women to know how easy it is to forget. She wanted more women to know how easy it is to concentrate so hard on doing everything right that you get it wrong. In short, don't fill up your lives with right. Remember your husband. He needs and deserves you too.

Something I try to tell myself is that one of the greatest gifts I can give my girls is to be madly in love with their father. A few weeks ago, Morgan (my 7-year-old), came into my bedroom and asked if I would ask Mark to read to us that afternoon. I asked why she wanted me to ask him. She said, "Because he's crazy about you." Crazy about me. My friend is right. I need not forget.

We didn't have a mayor in Cope

So, I've been told many times in my life that I have an irreverence for authority, meaning that I do not fully appreciate the hierarchy of life that most other individuals seem to understand. I don't get any more nervous or star-struck around the president of a company than I do around the man who picks up the garbage from our offices every day (who, by the way, I miss dearly since moving to our new office space). I figure that without the guy to pick up the garbage, we've got 35,000 employees spending 5 minutes a day emptying their trash, costing us a lot of time - time that could be spent discovering new medicines that can save or improve lives. So, he's a pretty important guy, right?

I think I've finally figured out where this trait originated. I grew up in Cope, Indiana, population 28. We didn't have a mayor in Cope. We didn't have a town council. We didn't even have a neighborhood association. Goodness, I think we only had 3 stop signs. There really wasn't anyone of higher or lower stature. We were just us. I grew up knowing that I would be judged by my heart, my integrity, my loyalty, and my commitment - and I likewise learned to judge others in this way.

There are a lot of individuals in leadership positions who I respect dearly and from whom I have learned a great deal. It is an honor to know many of them. But if I think about it carefully, those are probably the same ones who would say hi to my friend who takes out the garbage and the same ones who appreciate that I grew up in a place without a mayor.

My Mom

I thought I would use today's blog to talk about my Mom.  I hope she forgives me for writing this because, unlike me, she's an incredibly private individual.  Sorry, Mom. 

My Mom grew up in a small farming community outside of Martinsville, Indiana, and was the second youngest of 11 children.  Her family was very poor and didn't even have a car for most of her childhood.  My grandfather worked at Old Hickory, making furniture, and walked to work (5 miles) every day, unless a friend saw him and gave him a ride.  My grandmother raised the children, sewed clothes, and nurtured a garden in order to help provide as much as possible for the family.  My Mom wasn't able to go to college, but left home and ultimately raised a family of her home, again in Martinsville.  She worked in retail and was quickly seen as a talented and hard-working individual but was always limited without a college education. 

Why am I telling you this?  It's because I am continually amazed at the opportunities that my Mom made possible for me and my brother - opportunities that were bigger than those that she was ever able to experience herself.  She barely left the town of Martinsville as a kid but yet worked as much as possible to ensure that her daughter could go to school in France one summer at the age of 17.  She didn't have a chance to go to college but made it clear to us that we didn't have an option to NOT go to college.  She would have worked three jobs and sold everything she owned to be sure that we received educations.  And you know what she always told me?  She said, "I want you to do well in school so that you can do what you want to do instead of what you have to do."  She always did what she had to do.  Work at a laundry mat.  Work at Kmart.  Answer my Dad's phones (and put up w/ my Dad lol).  She did what she had to do so that I can do what I want to do.  And she never complained.  

I pray to God that my girls will have the opportunity to do what they want to do.  I pray that they will have happiness in their lives that I have been able to have because of my Mom - a Mom whose dreams were much bigger than her own experiences.  

Thank you for what you have done for me, Mom, and for the dreams you opened up for me because of it.

It sounded better in my head

I swear there are times when things fly out of my mouth and they shock even me! Most of the time, they're completely innocent and truly sound better the way I intend them in my head than the way I say them.

So, yesterday, our group's new director brought us together for our first staff meeting. He showed us his personality profile so that we could get to know him a little better. Upon reading his profile, he asked us what we thought. No one seemed very comfortable saying what they thought (at least that was my impression), so I opened my big mouth. I said something like, "When I read your profile, it reminds me somewhat of my husband. He can be a little prickly. You seem that way at times because you say what you think. As I tell him, he can be a little like a stinky cheese or a fine wine. When someone first takes a bite/drink, they might have an urge to spit and walk away, but if they'll stick it out and stay with him, they'll understand that he has a lot of goodness there." Oh no......Did I really just call my new director (the boss' boss) a stinky cheese? And did I just say that people have a tendancy to want to spit when they first meet him???? I really, truly did NOT mean it the way it probably came out. I, well, um, ugg. Any way I explain it is not going to help my cause. Simply, my husband is someone who grows on you and once he grows one you, he sticks. If you don't give him a chance to grow on you, it's usually because you walked away too soon and is your loss. Is that better? Or does that now sound like I'm calling him a wart???

When will I learn to stop using analogies? They always work better when other people say them. Wow. I think I may need to start looking for a new job.

A beautiful reminder

[Sorry for the delayed blog; I'm working full days now and have been running low on steam this week.]

Have you ever had a profound experience in your life (good or bad) when you've told yourself that you will NEVER forget how you felt at that moment? But then time passed and the beautiful chaos of life evolves, quickly eroding your memory?

It's similar to the time Mark and I took a trip alone to Negril, Jamaica. It was amazing. We made no plans. We did only what we wanted every day for a week. My only rule was "no rum before dinner". LOL. Anyway, after a few days, I actually felt my pulse rate slow down. I told Mark there was something wrong with me because everything about me had slowed down. Maybe I was getting sick, or maybe it was the effect of sleeping one balcony above pot smokers. Then I realized that this was what relaxation was supposed to feel like. One afternoon, I found myself dozing off on our veranda while listening to a tropical rainstorm pass over us. The air was warm and breezy, and the sound of the rain and wind dancing through the trees was intoxicating. Just before I fell asleep, I thought, "I'll always remember this feeling." ........ Three days later, I found myself back in Indy at work, leading an all-day meeting, with a room that was poorly equipped, participants that didn't even like each other let alone want to spend the entire day together in an 8X15 room, and deadlines weighing down on us like the future of the company was in our hands. I had the onset of a migraine and was in a foul mood. My boss at the time (the charming man that he is), said something like, "Wow, that vacation happy face didn't last long." It took me a few seconds (after contemplating ways to make him experience severe pain) to remember how I'd felt only three days earlier. How quickly we forget!

I found myself in that room again this week, leading the meeting, fixing the equipment, and fighting off the urge to be cranky. Then, I received a wonderful reminder....

A good friend of mine left a card for me that I read this morning. She reminded me of the amazing blessings and miracles I've experienced over the past six months. She reminded me that there were reasons for what has happened. She reminded me, most importantly, that God can use these experiences to witness to others. After reading her lovely letter, I went into another high-stakes meeting and forgot all about it (see a pattern w/ me??). I had to excuse myself from the meeting to go to the neurologist because of the ongoing headaches. I didn't want to go and even considered canceling, but I went.

The doctor spent a lot of time talking to me about SCD. He was amazed to have a patient w/ this syndrome in his office. (I guess I've become somewhat of a circus freak w/ physicians.) He wanted to know EVERYTHING. How was I diagnosed? How long had I experienced symptoms? You could hear what?? I told him about Johns Hopkins, Dr. Ostrowski, the patient w/ SCD 5 miles from my house, everything. He was fascinated. He told me I was lucky. I said I was blessed. He told me he couldn't believe it and I told him that it was beyond understanding and a true miracle. Then I remembered my friend's note. She was right. One of the reasons this has happened is so that I can remind others of the miracles around us - the ones we often forget. I won't forget to continue sharing with him. I now have a reason to go back. He wants to see me a few times and also wants to learn more about SCD. I'm hoping to teach him even more than that. It's something I'll be happy to remember to do.

Don't feel guilty if you forget sometimes. That's natural. But just don't forget permanently. Don't be like Peter from Hook and forget where you've been, because where you've been is part of who you are, and who you are is the only you that God ever created to walk this Earth. Feel blessed for it.

V-Day

Given my last blog, you may be curious how Mark did on Valentine's Day.  

Let's see...

• He came home yesterday w/ a heart-shaped box of chocolate and a smirky smile on his face.
• My card read, "I love you, but I'm not writing a note."
• He redeemed himself with a great necklace!  :)

I guess this is why it's easier to tell other people what to do than to tell your own husband.  That's still fine with me.  I'm glad he doesn't do what I tell him to - it wouldn't be as fun if he did.

OK Guys, V-Day's Coming

I thought I'd use this blog to remind our wonderful men out there about the rules of Valentine's Day in order to increase the odds of success. [Note to the guys: If you didn't realize that there are rules, then you might be kissing the wall Saturday night.]

1. The man plans V-Day. We plan everything else. You get this one.
2. Her gifts are FOR HER. That means, it's usually not a good idea to buy us skin-tight leather PJs with six-inch heels. That, my padawon, would not be for her.
3. Stay away from Stovers heart-shaped boxes of candy. It reminds us of heart wreaths that you put at grave sites, unless it's from our kids - then it's sweet.
4. The happiest wives are the ones who don't have to clean the house on V-Day weekend. I know it's a crazy concept, but we're more relaxed and excited to go on a date when we know we won't have to spend the next day scrubbing toilets.
5. Remind us why you love us. We go from being Mommy to being the boss to being the head of the PTO. We need gentle reminders to take all of the hats off and just be with you. Remind us why it's so wonderful.
6. Unplug to everything but us.
7. When we say we don't want you to buy us a gift, most of us don't mean it. Sorry, we're beautiful contradictions at times. :)
8. Write a note in the card. We're always suspicious that you procrastinated and sped into the grocery store on your way home, just in time to grab the last withered card left on the rack, then signed the card while driving home (which is why your signature is scratchy). If you write a note, we know you took your time. [wink]
9. Surprise us. This is a guideline rather than a rule and results in extra credit. Do something we'd never expect you to do. Maybe take her on a drive in the country in order to see the stars away from city lights. Perhaps give her a CD of a song you once danced to long ago and have her guess where you heard it.
10. Keep your favorite t-shirt from college in the drawer and put on something that makes us do a double-take. Maybe even put on a tie!
    
11. Most importantly, V-Day should never include White Castle.

Good luck! Oh one last hint. If your waitress looks like she should be on the cover of SI, you are not to make eye contact with her. That's sudden death, my friend!

Continuance??

Hi everyone.  I just thought I'd send a quick note to ask if anyone's interested in me keeping this blog thing going??  It's actually quite therapeutic to talk to a bunch of people who don't talk back. [Grin]

Do what you do

Tonight, I was reminded that we all have our strengths.  Plumbing is not one of mine....

My bathroom sink has been getting progressively more clogged over the past six weeks, but for obvious reasons, I haven't felt like doing anything about it.  Tonight, I'd had enough.  I grabbed a bucket and a towel and went to work.  Upon taking off the main pipe, I discovered that a slimy raccoon had a death-grip on the drain and wouldn't let go.  OK, so it wasn't really a raccoon but it certainly seemed like one.  I've never seen anything like it in my life.  I may never get the image out of my mind.  [Note to self: When your husband offers to do something, don't try to prove that you can do it yourself.  It never ends well.]

After the battle was won and the raccoon was slain, I said out-loud, "I would make a terrible plumber."  I started thinking about some of the jobs I've had that I didn't do very well.  Like corn detasseling.  I tried that out one summer - well, I guess you can't call it a summer because I only lasted a few days or maybe even a few hours before I passed out from heat stroke. I awoke to find out that the boy I had a crush on had carried my lifeless body out of the field and that he had commented that he'd never seen a girl drool so much.  That was the last time I detasseled corn (and the last time I looked him in the eyes).  Let's see....Oh, I was also a make-up artist for a play and was HORRIBLE.  I think the director sent the Lion (Wizard of Oz) back about 54 times before he finally gave up and started telling me how to do it.  Hmmm...another thing that I'm not is a lumberjack.  I love to use chainsaws but have been told that I wave them around like light sabers (sp??) and therefore am not allowed to use them.  :)

So, if I ever lost my day job, I wouldn't be a plumber, farmer, lumberjack, or make-up artist. What would I do?  I've had a lot of jobs that I loved.  I LOVED being a collections agent.  That's right!  Yours truly spent a summer getting old people to pay their durable medical bills!  Funny, the first month, I thought they were going to fire me.  My manager told me I spent way too long talking on the phone to the elderly - that the quantity of calls was more important than quality.  I didn't listen (shocker, right??).  I had my own approach and they needed someone to talk to!  They were bored and lonely and out of money.  In talking with them, we came up with ways to improve their budgets in order to send money to our company.  During month two, the money started rolling in.  Our company hadn't recovered that kind of debt in 10 years of doing collections.  No one had ever thought of being a nice collections agent!  lol.  There was also the summer that I spent selling hearing aids for Beltone.  Same story.  I went through their long training program about the importance of the bottom line, but I thought it was a bunch of bologna.   I just wanted to help people hear better in a way they could afford.  Honestly, if you're 84 years old, flat broke, and live alone, do you really need a pair of $6000 hearing aids??  Nope, you just need a $24 amplifier and headphones from Radio Shak.  What do you know?  I had the top sales in the region the entire summer.  The guys who'd been at it for 15 years were mystified.  So was I (I had no clue what I was doing).  One more....I loved waitressing.  I especially loved it the summer I waited tables at Cedar Point.  The guys who worked with me were much better than I at the late shift but also stayed up late partying, so I sometimes opened the breakfast shift alone (while they were sobering up).  It didn't take long before I realized that I couldn't possibly get to 32 tables myself.  So, I enlisted the help of customers to fill coffee.  It was actually a lot of fun to stand on a chair and pick eager volunteers.  Too funny.  I never figured out why people left me a tip when they helped do the work.  

Why am I writing all of this?  I guess it's to say that you should do what you love the way you love it.  Don't do something because that's the way it's always been done.  The unconventional often feels better and who's to say there's only one right approach to anything???  Put your own flair into your job.  You'll love it all the more.  [Does this mean there's a way for me to put my flair into plumbing???  I don't think so.]

Made it through the first week!

I've officially ended my first week back at work and am ready for a nap, but I thought I would post a review of the week before it passes into the place of procrastination.

Highlights (like the blonde in my hair):

• Being back w/ my friends
• Working on a really exciting new project
• Verbal abuse coming from some of the guys I work with (why have I always responded better to verbal abuse than niceties???)
• Giving back some of the verbal abuse
• Feeling like I'm normal again
• Having friends watch out for me: OK, I thought this would really annoy me and make me feel uncomfortable, but it hasn't. I guess when you've been to the point that you can't bathe yourself (don't worry, I bathe daily now lol), you begin to understand that we're all destructable. The help of a friend is a gift rather than something that should make you uncomfortable.

Low-lights:

• Fatigue, especially after about noon
• Headaches (but they didn't start until late Wednesday)
• Webconferences from the phone: I realized today that it's really tough for me to be on teleconferences w/ a lot of folks on the other line. I was supposed to have a 3-hour meeting but cut out after 90 minutes because my head couldn't take any more. This has been my first sad moment this week, so I think that's a triumph.
• My rear: How is it that tissue can develop into this soft ever-expansive material that takes up twice as much real estate??? I've worked hard not to gain a pound through the last few months of sofa-camping but have somehow ended up w/ a rear end that that I can see by glancing over my left shoulder. If it weighs the same, shouldn't it look the same??? Ugg. And why is it that it takes so long to build a muscle but only either 26.3 minutes of laziness or one scoop of Chubby Hubby (Ben and Jerry's) ice cream for it to begin to soften and buldge. Life isn't fair. Oh well, as my close friend Reneae says so eloquently, "A fair's where pigs get ribbons. Get over it." I'll get over it as soon as I can do something about it. :)

Work: Day 3

Wow, I'm seeing a pattern emerge this week.  I'm SOOOO tired tonight and have a killer headache; it seems that the fatigue is building as the week goes on.  It's still wonderful to be back at work.  I just need to build up my stamina.  

Is this when everyone tells me that our VP was right for threatening to fire me???  

Work: Day 2

I had another good day in the office but am a little more tired.  The drive in took 2 hours 15 minutes because the roads were a mess, so I think that made the day more strenuous.  

I was excited to learn about a new project and can't wait to jump into it, but I AM obeying direct orders and am easing back into things (though it's driving me crazy).  See, I can listen despite some evidence to the contrary!

I'm BACK!

Today was my first day back in the office and it was FANTASTIC!

Let's see...

1.  Our group moved offices while I was out, so my friend Aileen helped me pack up my office first thing this morning.  (Thanks, A!)

2.  I reported to Employee Health Services to prove that I'm fit to work.  The nurse asked if I can do everything required by my job.  I immediately said "yes" but thought, "Are you kidding me?  I haven't been capable of doing everything required by my job in years!"  If I were, I wouldn't like it. lol

3.  I ran into my previous Director, who made some joke about me being an air-head.  I called him a name that I won't repeat here.

4.  I saw my Vice President who told me he'd fire me if I worked more than a half day, but I question that he has the authority to fire me (and hope that he doesn't read this!).  You see, I still suffer from some effects of the surgery.  That puts me in a protected class of workers.  Honestly, I think I could dance naked through the halls singing "I'm Henry the 8th I am" and no one could do anything about it.  :)  (I don't plan to test this hypothesis.)

5.  I started acquainting myself to the new office space.  We're now "mobile workers" which means that we don't have designated desks.  We have lockers for our belongings and can work from nearly anywhere because of blackberries, wireless access, and telephony (a virtual phone that's loaded on your computer instead of residing on a desk).  The mobile office space (where most of us choose to work) is beautiful.  There are so many desk options: some without walls, some w/ small cubicles, tables, small enclaves, etc.  It's beautiful!!!  I don't need much privacy, so it's perfect.

6.  I reconnected with friends.  This was the best part of my day.  It was wonderful to see and speak w/ so many people again.  I missed them!  

7.  I left at 1:30 but really wanted to stay longer.  Even though I don't think our VP could fire me right now, I'm smart enough to know that he could definitely make my life miserable if he really wanted to do so.  :)

8.  I got home at 2:30, so happy.  I'm exhausted and ready for a nap.

L8r G8rs!

-sly

Better Day

The cold is GONE and I feel much better. I can't believe that a silly cold makes me so dizzy. Oh well, that should improve over time. Patience, grasshopper.

I wanted to send a quick note to thank everyone for the cards, flowers, emails, calls, visits, food, stuffed animals, and balloons! I'm eternally grateful for such great friends.

I'll see some of you in the office next week. I've received warnings from special friends at work that you plan to boss me around until I'm at 100%. Good luck with that.

:)

3 More Days

I return to work Monday!

This was supposed to be the week to build stamina so that I'd be ready to take on my daily trips to Indy and a good schedule at work.  However, two things have interfered with that plan.  First, my wonderful Morgan decided to share her cold with me.  Dr. Ostrowski warned that colds will throw me for a loop for a while because they'll exaggerate the balance difficulties.  He was right.  I've definitely had more difficulty with balance and even took a hard fall Wednesday night.  Ouch.  The second disruption was the weather.  I'd planned to go to the gym some and walk longer distances; however, the foot of snow has held me hostage most of that time.  Oh well, best made plans and all, right??

Yesterday, Mark had a snow day and I talked him into driving me to the Bloomington Mall so that I could prove my stamina.  Unfortunately, I lasted less than two hours.  I blame the cold.  Today should be better.  I've been using Zicam religiously and it has proven effective to shorten the life of this one.  I should be back to abnormal in no time.  :)

Please pray for strength and patience in the coming weeks.  I want to jump back into my old schedule without a hick-up, though I know this is unrealistic.  My two biggest struggles continue to be riding in a car and getting ready in the morning.  Unless I want to walk the 55 miles to work looking like a troll, both are required.  

Despite the frustration about energy, I'm really excited to return to work.  It's another big step in getting back to my normal abnormal life!

Wonder Woman Syndrome

This is another blog post to all my girlfriends out there. It's now January 27th and you've probably already violated most of your New Year's resolutions, right? Well, I'd like you to write one more resolution this week. Come up with one thing that you'll STOP doing! Stop? Yes, stop.

I realized recently that I don't have a single female friend who's a slacker. I don't have a single friend who takes life one day at a time and doesn't worry about everyone and everything around her. Why is that? We're all suffering from the dreadful Wonder Woman Syndrome (WWS). WWS is a serious condition in which a female feels as if she's the only person on Earth who can save its inhabitants from hunger, illness, boredom, contamination, discord, and mediocrity. WWS sufferers often show signs of slight mental imbalance, extreme fatigue, an inability to concentrate on one subject longer than 10 seconds, carpal tunnel (from carrying a purse, briefcase, books, first aid kit, jackets, and small children at the same time), and inappropriate verbal responses when asked how she's doing (i.e., "Fine!").

Ladies, how many times have we said, "If I don't do it myself, it won't get done right" or "I'll spend more time teaching someone else than if I'd just do it myself?" [In fact, my cousin and I were just saying this. Hi Mel!] How many times have we said "yes" when we were thinking, "Are you smoking crack? There isn't a chance in hell that I'm going to have time to do that?" How many times have we fallen into bed and felt as if we've been Hans Solo for the day fighting off all of the bad guys in the universe?

Do we really believe that if we don't do it that it won't get done? And would it matter if it didn't get done? Would the world come to a grinding halt? Would it hurt anyone if you took a few things off your plate so that you could spend more quality time with your husband, kid(s), friends, or Heaven forbid on yourself? I don't think anyone would really notice. In fact, they might feel more useful if we let them take care of a few things.

This became obvious to me during my last day in the office before the surgery. A friend of mine had to drive me home because I was in no condition to drive myself. On the drive home, I was worried about all of the things in the universe that needed to be done that I couldn't do. She said (in a rather abrupt way I might add, Ms. Kathy!), "You should give the rest of us the benefit of the doubt." Huh? "Maybe you should have more faith in your friends and know that we're just as capable of taking care of you as you are of taking care of everyone else. Let other people take over for once in your life. We might do a good job of it." Well said. She was absolutely right. I was worried that everything would fall apart because I had to step away for a few months. In fact, the opposite happened. Things went right along as planned WITHOUT ME! You see, the truth is that we run ourselves so hard that we actually do harm to everyone around us because we give too many parts of ourselves away to insignificant things. Even if you're the only one who you don't spend time on, the people you love suffer because you're simply not as happy as you would be if you'd just slack off once in a while.

So, stop taking care of the world; maybe focus on the Northern Hemisphere for a while. Inhale; exhale. Take some time for yourself. The planet will continue to rotate just fine in its current orbital path.

Dreams

Mark and I have a dream that we will move to the Caribbean and live on a sailboat when we retire.  I'll be the chef and he'll be the captain, though by "captain" I in no way imply that he'll be the boss.  We'll charter trips for couples who want a week on a sailboat without any of the work.  We'll typically be found off the coast of St. John, our favorite island because it is 60% nature preserve (donated to the US government by Rockefeller).  

There's only one problem with our dream.  Neither one of us knows a lick about sailing.  We've been on sailboats a few times and loved it, but we don't know the difference between a beam and a boom.  Granted, we have about 25 years to learn, but if we continue our current course, we'll never achieve our dream.

Many of us treat our dreams this way - as something that resides in our heads but never takes shape.  We blame bills, fatigue, our children, life circumstances, parents.  We blame anything and anyone but ourselves.  The truth is that we want the dream without the work  and sacrifice.  A good friend of mine once said, "I want to want to lose weight."  She wanted to shed pounds but she didn't want to invest the energy it will take to shove down carrots and fiber bars for six months.  I hear ya, sister!

Most dreams don't happen overnight.  They take initial passion and purpose followed by planning and execution.  They take determination and sacrifice.  Are you willing to give something up in order to achieve your dreams or are you satisfied with a fleeting smile as you doze off to sleep and think about that sailboat?

Update: This is the first day I've woken without a headache!  The nightmares have also eased up a bit.  Thank goodness!  The headaches are expected to continue for the next six months or so, but it's really nice to have a morning without one.  

Update

I'm still feeling pretty good, but have struggled the past few days with headaches. This is expected and could last several months. It's just part of it, so I'm trying to get used to it. I still get frustrated w/ my lack of stamina, but I just have to remember that I have a lot more energy than I did a week ago; and a week from now, I'll have even more. I've never been good at baby steps. :)

The girls and I are enjoying every morning before school. It's a gift to be with them when they first wake up. I'll miss that greatly. It's also WONDERFUL to be able to hear their laughter and love it again. I don't have to tell them to be quiet every 2 minutes. Strike that. I still have to tell them to be quiet (they are their father's daughters after all) but it's not because they're making me dizzy. It's just because they're the loudest human beings on the planet.

We're starting to get back to normal. Normally abnormal. Perfect. :)